This is the final installment of a four-part series. Part I | Part II | Part III

A 42-person family cruise is no enterprise for the faint of heart. My Uncle Chuck and Aunt Monica, the organizing forces behind this whole affair, give us a simultaneous window into a different world while traveling with the people we’ve known the longest. (Fate is cruel to even the best-laid plans: Monica’s broken hip just before our departure leaves her living vicariously, though pictures of Flat Monica heads on popsicle sticks crop up in every destination.) Most importantly, a cruise ship is a vehicle that will allow 42 people with disparate interests to all come together and share in the same thing. Of course we go our different ways: I see some people almost nonstop and only here and there. A cruise ship works for the people who aren’t physically able to do much other than be on the boat, and it works for people like me and my cousin Rob, for whom rest is an afterthought.

We did a version of this in 2004, beginning and ending in Barcelona, and I was fortunate to join a smaller group for a British Isles and Norwegian fjords excursion the following year. I hadn’t been to Europe since. Returning outside of peak awkward teenager phase brings considerable benefits—freedom to roam, legal booze, full choice in activities—though being turned loose on a giant boat is hardly an awful fate for a kid, especially one like me who could appreciate history and culture. Even so, my most enduring memories of that first trip include the discovery of the bidet, the phallic graffiti in Pompeii, a trash Royal Caribbean lasagna meal in Florence, and an exceptionally attractive Roman tour guide. I was fourteen; what can I say?

My attitude on cruising didn’t change appreciably in the intervening years. There are few agnostics on cruises, and telling someone about an impending cruise is likely to inspire envy or disdain. But, unless one has a David Foster Wallace level of misanthrope or gets warm tingly feelings at the phrase “organized group activity,” most people probably land somewhere in between. Cruise tourism is like tasting a beer flight; you may not get to immerse yourself in Rome, but you have enough of a flavor to know what you may want to come back for on some future trip. The first cruise showed me enough of Florence to know that any return visit would have to be for more than five hours, full stop, so it was easy to sub in Cinque Terre for the Livorno excursion this time around. As someone who now, improbably, has status with Royal Caribbean, I’ve learned how to bend these trips to my style.

Our vessel for the week is the Enchantment of the Seas, one of the oldest in the Royal Caribbean fleet, and its age shows around the edges: a few brown stains, the finest in 90s décor, a fraction of the absurd features on newer Royal ships. After an early Freudian slip, I take to calling it Endurance of the Seas. And while our fates are far from Ernest Shackleton’s, the whole two weeks do start to feel like a test of fortitude, not because of anything imposed from the outside but because I, aided and abetted by Rob, don’t want to waste one second of this trip: we are ready to go every morning, off on some lengthy excursion every day, seeking out the best food and drink every evening, and the last ones to retire every night. Cruising is, indeed, a feat of endurance.

Though the ship has over 2,500 passengers, it rarely feels crowded except when embarking or disembarking at a busy time It’s not hard to skip shows and gimmicks and choose “on your own” excursions, if you, like me, get relatively little out of comedy acts or following a tour guide with a Royal Caribbean popsicle stick down the streets of Taormina. We have sporadic pool parties in the solarium and play some shuffleboard; as always with this family, there is some euchre and Rummikub. But most nights we stage a takeover of the Viking Crown Lounge and cycle through conversations with one another, with people drifting off from there to bed or to their own activities, which for a few cousins and me means tasting the contraband beers we’ve smuggled aboard the ship. (No, Royal Caribbean, we’re not telling you our methods for getting around your systems to force us to buy your underwhelming drinks.)

The one organized group activity in which I am a regular and enthusiastic participant are the periodic trivia competitions held on board. Our family descends on three of them, and one of our teams wins every time. One afternoon, my team is in a three-way tie for first with two others, and we are instructed to send up one person for the tiebreaker; my team sends me up, and the other two counter with ten-year-olds. They are no slouches, and I don’t elbow them out of the way to answer first as I might have with some of my cousins, but I dispatch of them as politely as my blood-seeking trivia instincts will allow. I claim my Royal Caribbean highlighter prize and beat a hasty retreat to the bar.

The most grating part of the cruise is the extent to which the boat, despite already charging its passengers thousands of dollars, tries to take more and more of their money. The costs of the onboard internet and drinks package are laughable enough to make them easy to turn down, even as someone who remained pretty connected to the outside world and was hardly teetotaling on the trip. (That said, how can a boat with this many passengers serve only one craft beer, a lonely Terrapin fruity IPA that doesn’t even appear on the menu in half the bars where it’s served?) Plenty of people find ways to part with their money in the onboard shops and casinos. There is also the matter of communication, which is this constant dance among us between the glitchy Royal Caribbean app, other messaging apps, and texts for those of us whose cell phone plans work in Europe. T-Mobile, you are a quiet hero.

And then there is the often obsequious service. It is unclear if the fawning attention of the on-board attendants is coached by Royal Caribbean or a cultural characteristic of the Filipinos who dominate the crew or some combination thereof. It would not be hard to lapse into some sort of guilt about all these mostly brown people from scattered island nations waiting on a mostly white American passenger base, but I have of late found myself in revolt against the eternal calibration of morals in situations beyond my control, not to reject awareness of these divides but to find la vita serenissima in the situations we have been gifted. I am here, and giving the crew anything other than the respect they deserve would only make a hash of things. Let us save that anxiety for another day.

In a group of 42, the opportunities to connect with fellow passengers beyond the family are limited. The best gem comes the night after Cinque Terre, when seven of us join two other unsuspecting couples at the Chef’s Table, a five-course meal with wine pairings in a small dining room. As we stuff our faces we get to know Fran and Ed Dorn, a couple from Austin who were both on the faculty at the University of Texas, a Shakespearean actress and the dean of the Lyndon B. Johnson School of Public Affairs. That party goes deep into the night, and later, a few of us make it to the dance floor in the Viking Crown Lounge on Deck 12. Our fellow clubbers include a bunch of Spaniards demanding reggaeton and a clump of 18-to-20-year-olds who mostly stick to the areas by the bar as they revel in their newfound status. When the girl in the white dress vaults over a half-wall and pulls the boy in the “Please Drink Responsibly” t-shirt off down the hall, I drift off into some plaintive space of lamented lost youth that I never quite shake for the rest of the trip.

My catalog of small annoyances aside, a cruise ship offers a new perspective on may great cities, and even a few windows into great beauty. While the ports themselves are rarely scenic, I am of that obscure species that enjoys rolling through an industrial harbor to see the materials moving thorough and gawking at the massive container ships. At times there are stellar passages, never more so than on the day we set out through the Strait of Messina and pass the smoking volcano of Stromboli. The day at sea between Ravenna and Sicily gives a sense of how many other things share these waters with us, from ferries to oil rigs to ships in the night. After the Rome day the family gathers on the pool deck for certainly-not-contraband wine and watches a series of beastly cruise ships make their way out of port of Civitavecchia before we bring up the rear of the procession. As the Enchantment pulls out, the wind picks up and a lightning show kicks off out over the mainland. A near full moon lights up the night, and the sea begins to pitch. The late-night pizza run after what are of course legally brought on board beers brings a wobbliness unrelated to any beverages we consume. That night, the rocking ship soothes me into my deepest sleep in Europe.

We know we are lucky to live this way. We toast to the lives we’ve lived, we toast to those who can’t be with us, for whatever reason; we toast to our hosts and to the achievements of some of our party and to our freedom to revel in this escape. Nineteen years ago, it was easy to take this sort of opportunity for granted. Now, with my grandparents and an aunt and an uncle and a couple of cousins out of the picture and some others who should be here prevented by life events, it’s not hard to recognize what a treasure this is. I will forever hold close that unique joy of strolling through a completely foreign city and seeing my relatives scattered here and there around the corners, chance encounters on the streets of Venice or Ravenna or Barcelona as we devour everything the world has to offer.

And eat it up we do. It is not uncommon for the discussion to roll until 2 AM on stateroom balconies or over pizza in the solarium. Perhaps we are debating Supreme Court cases and housing policy, or perhaps we are telling bits of our own complex stories; perhaps we are comparing tasting notes on our contraband beer, or simply noting the absurdities of cruise ship life. We are here in this moment, free to forget lost bags or loves or other regrets or anxieties, riding waves with ease.

First and foremost, a thank you to Monica and Chuck for treating us to this adventure, and to Jim, who patiently comes along for my Ravenna shopping excursion and carts things back. Steph and Kyle perfect the art of smuggling beer on board and are Rob and I’s most frequent partners in crime; David is also a regular at our beer tastings, with his wife Monica joining on a few of our shore excursions; Alex and Meghan seem to perfect the balance of deep dives in with us and retreats into their own time. Becca likewise stays close as a stabilizing force, aided in her effort by Amanda, while Molly, now 18, comes out to join the party regularly, and Katie dips in her toes here and there. Bibs and Haley liven up the full day in Venice and any dinner or evening where they join the festivities; now we just need to get your partners out for the fun. A thanks to John and Megan for hosting me in the Twin Cities the night before our departure, and for finding a good blend of good life and retreats. Paul and Laura, it was a pleasure to share some dinners and drinks and see the world through the eyes of your kids. The next generation makes its imprint: Luke is well on his way to being a trivia force, Emma was the queen of the Flat Monicas, and Jack and Liam kept me plenty entertained.

On the last night, Uncle John and I bask in repose with cigars on the windy pool deck, though we stub them out a bit early so he can be back with his co-conspirator at the center of the party, Aunt Reen. Aunt Marge probably won the award for enthusiasm for the whole cruise beforehand, and she and Uncle Steve live it up and foot the bill as we clean out her shipboard balance on the final night. Aunt Mary Beth is forever at the core of things, and along for an uphill trek to a wine tasting too. A thanks to Aunt Lucy and Uncle Bob for letting me be a sort of appendage to their family as I room with their son, and to their help with Aunt Trisha, who we are delighted to see make the trip. Props to Aunt Kristin (and Chris and friend Casey, joining us in Barcelona) for giving their girls a trip of a lifetime after graduation, and for finding ways for Uncle Joe to be a part of it. My Mom and Doug put up with Rob and I’s pace through Madrid, and my abandonment of them in Newark, with aplomb. We Maloneys get to know the McQuaid side a bit: Bill, Rose, Dan, Jan, Stephen, Amy. That adds to forty-two, but we also need to give a shout to Uncle Mike and Aunt Chris, who show us a marvelous time when they come along for the ride in Venice and Ravenna.

I had one goal as a tourist on this trip, and that goal was to see the School of Athens in person. The rest was all negotiable. And when I gaze up at Raphael’s masterpiece in that fleeting rush through the Vatican Museums, I can’t help but think of this sprawling family, always in debate or relating tales, gesticulating toward the clouds or at the things we know, a cacophony of voices where one or two may raise higher from time to time but where we need all of the voices to make it what it is. A reproduction of The School of Athens hangs above my mantelpiece because I live for this conversation, at times a central player and times a peripheral figure but always there for the dialogue until the last bit of sand has run out of the glass at the end of a very long night. That, Raphael shows us, is the essential core of the human condition, seeking and probing and finding community amid all our eccentricities, all our strong beliefs, all these jumbled ways of living that nonetheless stem from a common root. May the project never end.

And yes, I am keeping track of everyone who said they’d pay a visit to Duluth.