Monthly Archives: February 2024

The Sweetening of the Gift

It was the nature of his profession that his experience with death should be greater than for most and he said that while it was true that time heals bereavement it does so only at the cost of the slow extinction of those loved ones from the heart’s memory which is the sole place of their abode then or now. Faces fade, voices dim. Seize them back, whispered the sepulturero. Speak with them. Call their names. Do this and do not let sorrow die for it is the sweetening of every gift. 

-Cormac McCarthy, The Crossing 

One year later, after Andy, certain moments are burdened with memory now. Of course there is a void at family gatherings, the occasional twinge when I glance at a few of his old possessions that have come my way. The weekend before the anniversary of his death is another such reminder of a past era. He visited me this weekend the past two years, the best fit for his Lutsen alpine adventures even though it is also the weekend of Book Across the Bay, the Ashland, Wisconsin Nordic ski race that has become a staple of my winters. After the race the past two years I came home to him, the first year to a lively party with many friends, the second to just him and my mom, chatting away a quiet midwinter night. Now, just quiet. 

This year it is hardly even winter, the ski race reduced to a saunter on foot along shorefront ice and a bare paved path along the beach. Most people make it a casual stroll, but I elect to push, running as fast as I can on a thin layer of snow atop ice, sweat caking beneath layers. I run free, alone along the luminarias. I double back at the fire-breathing dragon that marks halfway point and I part the walkers moving in the other direction, their rippling wave of encouragement carrying me the whole way. I finish well enough to earn a shoutout from the emcee and a handmade mug as a prize at the afterparty. I don’t consciously make any dedications, don’t linger on any specifics, but I do know why I ran harder tonight. 

The next day I trek along Hawk Ridge with a weight-laden pack, a preparation for a venture, now just six weeks out, on what may be the most self-conscious trekking route on earth. I reread a passage from Conor Knighton on those moments that marks shifts in life, quoted by me after a trip to Utah two years ago. Layers in time are not always obvious; jarring moments like Andy’s do not always immediately change a life. But they do, perhaps, have the power to take beliefs out of the theoretical realm where they marinate and encourage one to think about what it really means to live out beliefs, to make the most of precious time. 

If I write little these days, this is why: the urgency of the present consumes me, and while writing remains here as a tool for discernment of the new or the unknown, the capstone on the adventure, a delight when it comes freely, it no longer need be a frustration when it does not. Life is not lived on paper, and even less so in the virtual spaces where I type out words. Here is to now, the sweet, sweet gift of McCarthy’s gravedigger, whose nectar I seek with more thirst than ever before. 

Is There More?

A Duluth East hockey season plods along. It has not been one of joy and great excitement like last season or the decade of the 2010s, but it has also lacked the can’t-turn-away chaos and palace intrigue of 2020-2022. A few wins appear when the schedule eases up, but a signature victory remains elusive, a steady string of more-or-less competitive games that nonetheless result in losses, the offense outgunned and the back end unable to hold up against steady assaults from opponents. Losing games is one thing, but I look for signs of progress, signs of young players stepping up or improved chemistry or lower lines coming together to at least keep opponents off the board even if they are not scoring much themselves. And I find myself frustrated, trying to escape resignation that this is just what this team is. 

It’s not that this team lacks assets. Thomas Gunderson, Noah Teng, and Wyatt Peterson are probably the best line on offer in 7AA. Caden Cole at his best is a second line anchor and a real offensive force. The power play has started to show some real potential. The depth, while a far cry from East teams of previous decades, still features some perfectly capable hockey players who have some strengths in certain roles. If East played the same schedule as Duluth Marshall or Duluth Denfeld or Rock Ridge, the narrative would be very different, a 20-win season probably within reach, and I would rather be associated with a program that reaches for more than that, even if it results in more disappointment. In theory a tough schedule should build resilience, give opportunities for growth, cure bad habits and make those subsequent games with lesser opponents feel easier. There are occasional glimmers, encouraging signs of some heart in overtime wins against the second tier of section opponents, a few pretty goals and solid clears, flashes of steady discipline instead of teetering on the edge. But this team has yet to take that next step into serious contention. 

The glaring culprit to date has been the inexperienced defense. With the noble exception of Luke Anderson, so often running about cleaning up others’ messes, shoddy breakouts and blown coverage have been the norm, too many initial saves left lying there, juicy and ripe for the picking. There is promise in some of the youth here, with Landon Pearce and Henrik Spenningsby playing more and more, but the rebuild has proven a monumental task, and there has been no great adjustment to cover for those shortcomings, which does no one’s confidence any good. If a team cannot break out crisply, it will never be able to hold up in a back-and-forth track meet; they are quite fortunate that 7AA doesn’t include any teams like Champlin Park and Coon Rapids, even if those squads aren’t all that different ranking-wise from 7AA’s crowded middle tier. 

The Hounds have certainly been unlucky at times; an early break against White Bear Lake or Shakopee or in one of the two Grand Rapids games and my tone would lighter. A serious injury to Ian Christian saps the depth and robs them of a second real scorer on a depth line. But luck can also be a byproduct of design. At the risk of hurting some feelings, this program simply does not have the depth to run four lines, even with some double-shifting involved. Either it can continue to play 11 forwards and six D and make everyone happy with playing time, or it can shorten the bench down the stretch and aim to win. This doesn’t mean abusing the top line—I remain a loyal adherent to short shifts and quick changes—but it does mean locking everyone into a very clear role and recognizing those roles will not be equal, and holding the top players accountable if they fail to backcheck or repeatedly try to dangle through four defenders. 

It is of course easy to sit in the stands and gripe and hope a team can add up to more than the sum of its parts; doing it is hard, takes real leadership from players and coaches alike. But it is doable. An example isn’t too far off: two games with Grand Rapids have shown the Thunderhawks are hardly on some different talent level from Duluth East. If this team got a third crack at the presumptive top seed in 7AA, I wouldn’t hate the Hounds’ chances. But the boys in orange are clearly building toward something, playing intense, physical hockey, their belief growing as they play off their strengths and start to collect top-10 wins no one would expect from their talent level. Everyone seems to be rowing in the same direction on Grant Clafton’s very tight ship, but at East I just do not sense that total buy-in at all times. 

For all the lumps, this team is in position to be the 3-seed in 7AA. They will face a hungry opponent in the 7AA quarters, likely either Marshall or Denfeld, and they will need to keep their heads about them. After that, there is a window of opportunity in a down year for the section, and it would be a shame to waste it. We’ve already covered Rapids, whom the Hounds led 3-0 in the third period on the road before the roof caved in. Andover, while deep and a proven winner, has hit some road bumps lately, and is hardly invincible. Neither of those teams has game-breaking scorers, and an East team that can just hold up in its own zone would be well-positioned to poach a couple of goals and steal a playoff win or two at Amsoil. Enough pieces of the formula seem to be there. Is the belief necessary to pull it all together there also?